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Basic Toilet Humor

Restroom comedy has always been the comfort zone of your Daily, and writers stay alert regarding memorable lavatory incidents and historic moments, especially in relation to football. What a delight it was to find out that an online journalist a famous broadcaster has a West Brom-themed urinal in his house. Reflect for a moment for the Barnsley fan who took the rest room a little too literally, and had to be saved from an empty Oakwell stadium post-napping in the lavatory midway through a 2015 losing match against Fleetwood Town. “He was barefoot and had lost his mobile phone and his hat,” elaborated a Barnsley fire station spokesperson. And nobody can overlook when, at the height of his fame with Manchester City, the Italian striker entered a community college for toilet purposes in 2012. “He left his Bentley parked outside, then entered and inquired the location of the toilets, then he went to the teachers’ staff room,” a pupil informed the Manchester Evening News. “After that he was just walking around the college grounds acting like the owner.”

The Toilet Resignation

This Tuesday commemorates a quarter-century from when Kevin Keegan quit as the England coach following a short conversation inside a lavatory booth with FA director David Davies in the underground areas of Wembley, following that infamous 1-0 defeat versus Germany during 2000 – England’s final match at the legendary venue. According to Davies' personal account, FA Confidential, he entered the drenched troubled England locker room directly following the fixture, only to find David Beckham in tears and Tony Adams motivated, both of them pleading for the director to convince Keegan. After Dietmar Hamann's set-piece, Keegan moved wearily along the passageway with a thousand-yard stare, and Davies discovered him collapsed – just as he was at Anfield in 1996 – in the corner of the dressing room, whispering: “I’m off. I’m not for this.” Stopping Keegan, Davies tried desperately to salvage the situation.

“What place could we identify [for a chat] that was private?” stated Davies. “The tunnel? Full of TV journalists. The dressing room? Heaving with emotional players. The bath area? I couldn’t hold a vital conversation with the team manager as squad members entered the baths. Merely one possibility emerged. The restroom stalls. A crucial incident in the Three Lions' storied past happened in the old toilets of a stadium facing demolition. The coming demolition was almost tangible. Pulling Kevin into a stall, I closed the door after us. We remained standing, looking at each other. ‘You cannot persuade me,’ Kevin stated. ‘I’m out of here. I’m not up to it. I'll announce to journalists that I'm not competent. I'm unable to energize the team. I can’t get the extra bit out of these players that I need.’”

The Aftermath

And so, Keegan resigned, subsequently confessing he considered his period as Three Lions boss “empty”. The two-time Ballon d’Or winner added: “I found it hard to fill in the time. I began working with the visually impaired team, the deaf squad, assisting the women's team. It's an extremely challenging position.” English football has come a long way in the quarter of a century since. For better or worse, those Wembley restrooms and those twin towers are long gone, while a German now sits in the coaching zone Keegan formerly inhabited. The German's squad is viewed as one of the contenders for the upcoming Geopolitics World Cup: National team followers, value this time. This exact remembrance from a low point in English football acts as a memory that circumstances weren't consistently this positive.

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Quote of the Day

“We stood there in a lengthy line, wearing only our undergarments. We were the continent's finest referees, elite athletes, role models, mature people, mothers and fathers, resilient characters with high morals … yet nobody spoke. We scarcely made eye contact, our gazes flickered a bit nervously when we were requested to advance in couples. There Collina inspected us completely with a freezing stare. Quiet and watchful” – former international referee Jonas Eriksson discloses the embarrassing processes officials were once put through by ex-Uefa refereeing chief Pierluigi Collina.

Soccer Mailbag

“How important is a name? A Dr Seuss verse exists titled ‘Too Many Daves’. Has Blackpool experienced Excessive Steves? Steve Bruce, along with aides Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been dismissed through the exit. So is that the end of the club’s Steve obsession? Not quite! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie remain to manage the main squad. Full Steve ahead!” – John Myles.

“Now that you've relaxed spending restrictions and distributed some merchandise, I've chosen to type and offer a concise remark. Ange Postecoglou states that he picked fights on the school grounds with children he knew would beat him up. This pain-seeking behavior must justify his decision to join Nottingham Forest. As a lifelong Spurs supporter I will always be grateful for the second-season trophy but the only second-season trophy I can see him winning near the Trent River, if he remains that duration, is the second division and that would be quite a challenge {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|